Ask Shikamaru
by Xenoka
Summary: The laziest ninja now has to answer the questions of all the readers! Although he doesn't seem to happy about it...
1. Chapter 1

There were Ask a character but I never saw anyone ask Shikamaru that's why I chose him, and because I'm lazy like him :P

To begin… well… I was too lazy to make up a random question for him to answer and he thought it was too troublesome to answer a question the author made up, so you'll have to ask him yourself!

So what are you waiting for? The laziest ninja is waiting! (actually he wouldn't mind how long you take, he's taking a nap)


	2. Chapter 2

Ok, here I (I mean Shikamaru) go! I'll try to update everyday depending on the amount of questions, but I'm a procrastinator so I can't promise anything.

kaillinne arami- Hey, how do you manage to fall asleep in class?

Shikamaru: Well there's someone in my class like that too, his name is Naruto. It's too much of a pain to try to make him shut up so I tend to ignore him. If that doesn't work ask the teacher to move you to a different seat. Although it may take time and is pretty troublesome, if number 2 doesn't work then make up things about him.

Does your laziness come from family? And if it doesn't, are your parents okay with it?

Shikamaru: I don't think it comes from the family, they are all too troublesome. If you want to know that just ask why I always sleep outside. I am pretty sure they are fed up with me, although I am the least troublesome one in the house sigh

Animes chocolate-cherry- How do you manage to sleep so much!? I would love to be like you oh great Shikamaru-sama!

Shikamaru: Well, one reason is because I am lazy. But another reason, which could help you, is I'm mostly bored, and it makes me sleepy, it's true. I don't know why you want to be like me but don't call me sama, it's too troublesome for me.

Who are you going to go out with? Temariwink wink!or Ino.

Shikamaru: It's too troublesome to lie because it will come back worse so I'll have to tell it. It's Temari, I can't believe what kind of troublesome people make me like Ino in their fics, she's more troublesome then Temari, she likes Sasuke, and she's not as cu…. Nevermind.

Temari: I knew it!

Shikamaru: So, you like me…

Temari: SHHH!

raindropsX- i was just wonderering if you have perfected a way to avoid doing chores. i mean i have tried pretending to be asleep. but they alway figure it out.

Shikamaru: Well, usually I REALLY go to sleep. Another way that you could do it is take a walk, or nap outside. But the most troublesome way is to hide, it doesn't always work but oh well.

sais-qt- okay so is there a logical reason why gaara doesn't have any eyebrows?

Shikamaru: Well I think one reason is he lives in the desert. It could be so hot they don't grow, or burn, heh, how troublesome would that be? He probably shaved them off however, and he doesn't want to look like a girl. But the most probable is that you just cant see them because of the black lines around his eyes.

Who would you rather date Sakura or Tenten?

Shikamaru: They are both pretty troublesome (sorry, tell me if I should say it less) but it seems Sakura isn't as much, I mean Tenten carries around so many weapons, they are like her babies almost.

Who do you think is cuter Neji or Sasuke? I'm not saying you're gay just who do you thinks cuter?

Shikamaru: Ok, I didn't sign up for this, I really hope I could just walk away, but I can't . I guess I'd have to say Neji, for the reason that I'd rather see someone with no pupils then one with a pupil and spiny things. Plus Neji isn't gay, sorry Sasuke fans.

There ya go! Please R&R and tell me if im using troublesome too much or if it seems out of context, or if you like the way im doing it, thanks!


	3. Chapter 3

Ok, I've never done 2 in one day and probably never will again, but I don't want the questions to pile up so I'm making another XD

Andrain John- Explain to me why fan girls exist, Why do fan girls all flock to specific guys either fictional or nonfictional, is that connected in anyway to the Perversion of the fans of Ichi Ichi?

Shikamaru: I think the main reason is to, well, annoy non-fangirl people, as they all are troublesome. And why they flock? Well, I think it's because they like gay guys I guess (speaking of Sasuke)

WarriorofMoonlightLove- Were you always lazy?

Shikamaru: Yes, always was, always will be. Don't ask how.

Chouji is one of your very, very good friends, right?

Shikamaru: Yes, didn't I make it clear in the anime? sigh Guess I'll have to work on that some more.

Why is it you barely talk to Sakura?

Shikamaru: Hmm, I didn't notice that. Let me ask you this first, why doesn't she talk to me? One reason, well, pretty much the only reason, is that we aren't 'friends' and aren't on the same team. That pretty much sums up that troublesome question.

Do you feel anything towards the great Uchiha?

Shikamaru: No, not a lick. I don't feel any gayness towards him, nor do I feel he is great in anyway, it's still hard to tell why people like him. I mean c'mon, what's so special?

Are you ever annoyed that Chouji eats too much chips?

Shikamaru: You know, I never am. I got used to it I guess, I don't really notice it, besides it would be too troublesome to get him to stop.

KunoichiruleALL- I just have to know is Sakura as smart as you because it seems she is?

Shikamaru: Of course not! If you have seen my IQ is almost off the charts. Where have you seen that she's as smart as me anyway? The only reason Sasuke got the best grades is because I was too lazy to do the troublesome work in the academy.

So did Gaara and Kankuro try to kill you when you started dating Temari?

Shikamaru: As far as I know, no. I'm actually not sure if they even know.

Kankuro & Gaara: WE'RE GONNA KILL YOU!

Shikamaru: Gotta go!

Were you born lazy or did you just get that way?

Shikamaru: Born, trust me, when I was born I did none of the work getting out… why did I just say that?

Naruto: I'm not lazy!

Shikamaru??? Where'd you come from?

Naruto: My momma!

Shikamaru: Whatever pwns Naruto

Misery's-Toll- Pirates or Vampires?

Shikamaru: Pirates, because they don't disturb me while I sleep at night… and day, because they are at sea.

Do you have any squally fangirls?

Shikamaru: I'm sure I do… in fact… I have a squally fanboy writing this fanfic!

Xenoka: What?!?!! I'm not squally! And I'm not a fanboy! You're just my favorite character!

Shikamaru: Suuure

Xenoka: Don't make me edit you out!

Shikamaru: Fine fine…

I've never once seen you eat, and you are super skinny. Are you anorexic?

Shikamaru: Every time I eat it's off camera, its true!

I betcha I could beat you in a cloud staring contest!

Shikamaru: I betcha you can't

femaleodd- Shikamaru, can I marry you? Cause you're like awesome. Yeah. I don't think the person that I'm going out with will mind...much.

Shikamaru: Well, I don't know you, but you at least like me, maybe if it doesn't work out with what I'm doing right now maybe.

BANG!

Shikamaru: OWW!

Temari: Don't even think about it!

Shikamaru: Nope, won't work, bye! BANG NO! Not the strap chair! Not the whip!

I did this one kinda quick but I think it might be better then the last cause it seems to have more humor.


	4. Chapter 4

I waited an extra day because I was seeing if more Q's would come up but oh well, but that means this chapter is short! (I might do 2 today because I didn't do one yesterday)

sais-qt- what do you think of the author? He's pretty cool right?

Shikamaru: Well I think he is, well, random. And I don't like how he can make me do anything he wants. What a drag.

Xenoka: Hey! Chicken Nuggets 

Shikamaru: See what I mean? And as to if he's cool, lets just say he's a n.

Xenoka: Ha! Now they can't see the truth… I mean lies of your words! Next question hurry!

Ditter- 1. If we made a rocketship out of REALLY dense metal that didn't melt, could we fly to the Sun?

Xenoka: AH HAH! ITS YOU! Ok… I'll shut up now.

Shikamaru: What a drag, I have to use my brain. Well, I think it's possible that the rocket may make it depending on how dense it is, however humans would be cooked. If the people in the ship however, were water bears, then it would be possible both the ship and passengers could make it. But because your 'we' is talking about humans then no, we could not, unless we get very dense suits or heat-resistant suits.

2. Do you mind being the subject of torture to SCARY ToD in my fanfic?

Shikamaru: Yes I do in fact. But I thought (after reading it, I know what you're doing!) that you were not trying to torture me, but just get me with Temari. But of course if that's torture I want to see your good times.

3. I've heard that you plan on creating a dictionary/encyclopedia at some point in your life. Is this a rumor or is it true?

Shikamaru: I have no idea where you got this RUMOR. If I were to create one it would be probably made of one word and a phrase before I quit. They would be: Troublesome and What a drag. I think you knew that already.

raindropsX- aww you answered me. you rock

Shikamaru: Well I can't really _not _answer your questions because of the author, he makes me do it.

Xenoka: Yep! And I want to answer all questions to please the people that read this.


	5. Chapter 5

Sorry for the late update but I was at college a little while so I couldn't update hehe! Anyway, thanks for sticking with this one, I'm pretty much forcing myself to do it each day but sometimes its just fun to do so I do it. And my asterisks aren't working so now I'm using '' for actions.

Ribbon-chan03- Who do you like better? Ino or Temari?

Shikamaru: Troublesome, I answered this already.

Xenoka: Answer it anyway! Remember the new shock collar? MWAHAHAH

Shikamaru: I hate this job, what a drag. It's Temari.

and have you read my ToD fic? ...you so should...

Shikamaru: Nope, and neither has the author.

sais-qt- if you had a son what would you name him and why? what would you name your daughter and why?

Shikamaru: I'd either name them Troublesome or What A Drag. I don't need to learn names and it's something I say easily already.

Xenoka: Dork…

if lee and the author got into a yo mamma contest who would win?

Shikamaru: Well, Lee would defiantly win, the author hates your mom jokes because they are overused and aren't funny anymore so he wouldn't have even one comeback.

what's your view point on kiba?

Shikamaru: Hm? Well, I'm not sure exactly the question but I guess he's an ok guy. He's not as annoying as Naruto (or Ditter XD) but he is still quick to act. But if it was in different context, again, I'm not gay.

Xenoka: Then why do you always take it that way?

Shikamaru: Shut up.

what makes you laugh? you never laugh.. oh wait let me guess it's too troublesome right?

Shikamaru: It's not too troublesome, it's just I'm usually as stoic as Akito, or the author in elementary school.

Xenoka: Hey! Don't mention me! That's it, shock collar time! 'ZAAAP'

Shikamaru: Ow… he reminds me of Temari when she's scared I may be cheating on her so she puts a shock collar on me.

ps sorry for what happened to asuma. RIP

Shikamaru: What happened to Asuma? I didn't hear anything about him. Everyone leaves me out, how troublesome.

kaillinne arami- Would you like to be in the same room as a very (and I mean VERY) sugar high Naruto? (I know I wouldn't)

Shikamaru: Of course not. The only way I could even stand it was if the room had no roof and there were clouds in the sky.

Ever had too much coffee? (or any caffein high drink)

Shikamaru: I did have this one time, I don't wanna talk about it.

Xenoka: I just got a fanfic idea!

Shikamaru: Damn.

If so, what where the consequences?

Shikamaru: I REALLY don't wanna talk about it now.

Karui Yumi Kitsune-Hyuga- Since you're the most mature of rookie 9, do you think you will be mature in "EVERY" aspect of life?

Shikamaru: No, I don't think so, because I won't take responsibility, and I won't be mature in that aspect.

drag0nsoldier- Do you ever intend to make Jounin?

Shikamaru: Actually I don't, its too troublesome. But like in chuunin I will probably be made to become it anyway, what a drag.

I haven't had a laugh like I did when reading this in WEEKS

Xenoka: Wow, I didn't think it would be this funny, thanks!

Shikamaru: What? I'm funny? You just like torturing me, like Ditter, hmph.

Thanks for the comments and everything! And again, sorry for the late chapter! R&R!


	6. Chapter 6

Sorry for the long break, my Aunt and Cousin were up here so yeah, I think you get the idea.

sais-qt- (Btw, don't stop, it lets me do more questions) Hey Shika-kun do you have a cell phone?

Shikamaru: Yes, I do. I don't use it as often as most other people so many people don't notice it when I'm on it on the show. I usually only talk to Temari, she's the only other person I know who has a cell phone. Well actually I only know her number.

Do you think you look weird with your hair down?

Shikamaru: Yes I look very weird, compared to my usual look. The only reason it looks weird is because you are used to my other look when it's up.

Do you think Sakura looks cute in all black? and can you imagine a goth Temari or an all preppie one?

Shikamaru: I've never really seen her in all black, but I don't know, she wouldn't look different would she? And no, I can't imagine either of those.

What do you think about Sai? His nin-jutsu are way awsome right? and once again don't take it the wrong way!

Shikamaru: 'looks around' um, who's Sai again? I'm serious, I don't know, neither does the author, which is why I'm saying this, ask me again when you tell me who he is. Or her?

also what do you drink from Starbucks? I'm hanging out with the Konoha kunoichi's tonight so we'll bring you back something!

Shikamaru: Um, Starbucks? Err, no I'm on a… diet… yeah, from them. Because of what happened last time. And why are you with them? You aren't a ninja are you? The author is only half-time ninja, you aren't full-time are you?

flynnfriend: Why is my brother...obsessed with you?

Shikamaru: Well, it's partly because I'm not as annoying as other characters. But brother? Why would a male be obsessed with another male? That's a very troublesome thought.

Satta Kurosama- 1)Don't you find Temari even the least bit, well, controlling and overall a little demanding? I mean she is obviously not as bad as Ino but I mean come on you can do better than her.

Shikamaru: A little bit? Don't you mean a lot? But at least you can see my point that she's not as bad as Ino. Bu yes, I do find her controlling and demanding. If she doesn't get what she says the first time she tends to yell or attack. But how do I do better? Whatever.

2)How do you put up with Ino's constant jabbering, on and on about Sasuke, how do you stand it?

Shikamaru: Who says I can put up with it? I usually take earplugs or my ipod (yes I have one) so I don't have listen.

3) I'm also interested in what your hair looks like when it's down, why don't you just cut it?

Shikamaru: It looks, well, lets just say I don't look much like a guy with it down. And as to why I don't cut it, it's because anime characters don't grow hair (much) but I wouldn't because it would ruin my hair style.

4)How long did it take you to master the shadow possession jutsu and is it a blood-line trait, that has always confused me?

Shikamaru: It only took me about a week, as I have good charka control. It is not a blood-line but most people can't control it so few people use it.

5)Not a question, it's a statement: YOU'RE MY HERO! Any comments on that remark? Rotf lmao

Shikamaru: Erm, ok? Well, I am not sure how I am your hero but ok, I guess I'm ok with that, as long as you aren't a fan-girl like you say you aren't.

Flames of Wrath- 1. Will you braid my hair? (Shino already said no)

Xenoka: Thanks for the comment 

Shikamaru: Um, no, why? Aren't you a boy? I don't think boys braid their hair do they?

2. I personally think you secretly are a pervert. All of your jutsu's that make other people do things that you want them to and all. Especially that one with the shadow hand things. You do relize that your shadow hands were on Tayuya's chest for like a million years, right? So, are you one?

Shikamaru: One thing first, it wasn't a million years, I'd be decomposed by that time, and my hands aren't shadow hands, you don't feel them or anything, they were slowly going up to her neck to choke her. But no I'm not.

3. Do you think Xenoka lurves Ditter?

Shikamaru: I think by lurves you mean love right? Anyway, I have no idea, maybe, maybe not, as I don't know much about love myself, so I can't tell if other people have feelings.

4. Do you watch Lazy town?

Shikamaru: No, it is about making people un-lazy right? I don't know really but it sounds like the opposite of what I'd watch. So no I don't, sorry if it's your favorite show.

5. Do you like yaoi?

Shikamaru: Of course not, especially when it has me involved. The only way it would be good is if it's true, like Sasuke or Itachi (what's up with the Uchiha clan anyway?). So I guess I only like true yaoi stories.

Next chapter we are having both Temari and Shikamaru! So ask questions to both of them, or your choice of one of them. This is probably going to be a one chapter time so if there are other people it's probably not going to be Temari!


	7. Chapter 7

Sorry for the super, ultra, non-forgivable lateness on this chapter! One reason was that for 2 days it wouldn't let me make the document for some reason. Well here we go, hope it was worth the wait (which I doubt.)

flynnfriend- 1. If somehow I got sucked into the Naruto universe, would you dump Temari for me?

Shikamaru: Well, I think that is an easy question to answer on your own, but no, I wouldn't.

Temari: XP

2. Are you dating Temari, really?

Shikamaru: Yes, I really am, what is it about this that you don't get?

3. Temari, leave Shika-kun alone!

Temari: Why should I? You can't make me, and I'm not going to leave him alone.

4. Shikamaru, do you know that 'Shika' is both a female and male name?

Shikamaru: Well, I guess it could be. Although my real name is Shikamaru, that is only my nick-name so I don't really care.

Temari: That's my name I call him by the way, don't you make fun of it or else.

Misery's-Toll- Have you ever seen a cloud in the shape of a llama? 'Cause I did today. It was quite splendid.

Shikamaru: Actually, I have, in fact it was while I was with Temari.

Temari: I liked how life-like that was.

Shikamaru: Yeah. Until you used your wind to destroy it. TT

What is your favorite flavor of snow-cone? They're the best things since Wonderbread in my opinion. Besides Strawberry shortcake. I'm not sure whether I mean the TV show or cake, but that's besides the point.

Shikamaru: Well, I'll have to say probably, watermelon, it's the best flavor.

Temari: My favorite snow cone is lemon. It's one of my favorite flavors and the color of it reminds me of the desert sand of my village.

Is your name pronounced Shika-maru, or all slurred together? It depends on whether it's the English or Japanese, right?

Shikamaru: Actually, it is not slurred together, it sounds a lot different that way, but also it doesn't depend on English or Japanese as I know however.

sais-qt- do pigs fly? well I guess not becuase Ino hasn't been spotted flying yet '

Shikamaru: Of course not! And I hope they never do, I don't want to see Ino flying up there in the clouds disturbing me.

Temari: I saw one! But it was actually Gaara's sand made to look like a pig, I believed it for a week until he told me it was him.

If you HAD to have a ninja pet what would it be?

Shikamaru: I would say a lizard. I won't need to feed it as it eats bugs by itself. Also it's not big and can just ride on my shoulder.

How much wood could a Chouji chuck if a Chouji could chuck wood?

Shikamaru: If he could, I'd say all the wood in the world, we almost ran out of food for a week because of him, we got helped by the sand village for it.

Temari: You're welcome.

what kind of ipod do you have?

Shikamaru: The ninja stealth-i-pod. It isn't released to public. It's green too. It fits in your ear and it holds about 10 gigs! Also you can just tell it what song to play and to fast forward or anything to control it instead of buttons.

what does btw mean?

Shikamaru: It means By The Way, it's somethink that ppl use on teh internet.

(The ppl and teh are jokes)

why do you like Shikamaru?

Temari: Well he's smart, I would never go out with someone stupid, especially that Naruto kid. Other reasons are classified. Seriously, ask Gaara.

Isn't it fun beating him up?

Temari: Yes it is! How do you know though?

Shikamaru: Hey!

Temari: Well it's true. 'beats him up' See?

KunoichiruleALL- Sup temari how do you put up with your brothers

Temari: Lets see. Gaara is easy to put up with, he's the Kazekage and is usually alone. However, Kankuro always plays with dolls and I have to remind him about being a ninja and not playing with them.

Do you hurt kankuro on a daily basis

Temari: Yes I do. In fact I beat him up usually 10 times a day, not including the beatings he gets for playing with his dolls!

Did you kill your brothers for trying to kill Shikamaru

Temari: No, I only tried to kill my _brother_. I can't beat up Gaara so I did a double beating on Kankuro, he passed out from the pain and fright.

Arer you friends with the konoha kunoichi

Temari: Well I guess kinda? I've talked to them but don't do too much, except for the one time Sakura invited me, Ino, Tenten, and Hinata to a sleep-over.

Flames of Wrath- 1. What's the difference between a tribe of pigmees and a girls track team?

Shikamaru: I'm not sure really, you tell me.

2. Let's say you were a prince and it's your job to marry a princess. Now, the king that is the father of the princess that you don't know but it's your job to marry wants to make sure he doesn't let his daughter marry just anyone. So he says you can marry his daughter, as long as you can pick which door she's behind. There are two doors. Behind one door is his daughter, and the other door has a tiger behind it. This tiger has been taken from Asia where they are currently endangered. Now, you could just guess which door to chose, but you're too smart for that! There are two guards, one is front of door #1 and the other is in front of door #2. You are allowed to ask ONE of them ONE question. Now, the king has told one guard to lie no matter what and the other to tell the truth no matter what. You don't know which one is supposed to say what though, you just know them as guard 1 and guard 2. SO, what guard do you ask, and what question do you ask?

Shikamaru: You don't ask either, just put your ear to the doors and listen to the noises inside, I could figure it out by that.

3. Will you let me braid your hair?

Shikamaru: No, but even if you tried you couldn't.

4. Compare and contrast the characteristics of the following characters, going into some detail, but for the most part keeping it short.  
-Harry Potter & Shino -Jiraya & Charlie Brown

Shikamaru: Wow, you ask some of the weirdest questions weirdy.

Temari: AHAHA! Weirdy? That's it? AHAH!

Shikamaru: Shut up. Ok, well here we go. Harry and Shino: They both have scars, although most aren't permanent (Shino's bugs). But differences are that Shino doesn't talk, Harry does. One is a ninja. One uses bugs not wands. And one can use magic.

Jiraiya and Charlie Brown: Well both are pervs. Yes it's true. Diffrences are that One has lots of hair. And… yeah, I'm not going into detail, it's boring already.

5. What's the correct term for a sentence or word that can be read both backwards and forwards exactly the same way? (Ex. RACECAR)

Shikamaru: I actually am not sure, there may not even be one but still, look it up in a dictionary.

6. Please list the following people from the one (in your opinion) with the lowest ninja ability to the one with the highest, during the time of the second stage in the chuunin exams that you perticipated in. (also, don't include potential. Like, lets say that Lee and Itachi had exactly the same strength. Lee should logically go first, considering that Itachi is just the shit and has Sharigan/Uchiha badass-ness, but you would have to say that they tie, since you can't include their potential to improve) Orochimaru, Shino, Hidan, Hinata, and Tayuya.

Shikamaru: Orochimaru, Tayuya, Hidan, Hinata, Shino. Tayuya and Hidan aren't much, and if Orochimaru can be almost beaten by Sasuke he must be terrible.

7. Which of the ninjas living in Konoha do you think is the most attractive?

Shikamaru: Because she's staying for a while, Temari, so ha.

Temari: Ha, I knew you'd say that.

8. What do you think of Xenoka? Ditter? Me?

Shikamaru: I told you about Xenoka. Ditter can also be pretty random, not as much as the writer luckily. She is trying to torture me however so I'm not fond of that. You however are the worst of the three. Your questions seem to make no sense and you are just plain weird.

9. What's your stance on euthanasia?

Shikamaru: If you want to die, die. Simple as that. But none if they don't want it.

10. Lets go back to question #2. Princess, doors, tiger. Only this time, there's no guards, two doors with tigers, and one with a princess. That would be three doors in total Okay. Now, this time, before you see if the door you chose has your soon too be abused-and-unloved-forced-into-marriage-for-political-reasons-wife behind it, you get to pick one door that you DON'T think has the previously mentioned girl behind it. Let's just say that you picked door #1 and say that door #2 doesn't have the princess, and you are right, so the tiger get's to go back to Asia were it'll probably die young anyway. Now that you're down to the last two doors, should you switch doors or not?

Shikamaru: Just look at my second answer.

11. What hair color do you like the bestest? Eye color?

Shikamaru: Hmm, I'd say black for both. It just is a color that goes well with anything really.

12. Are you unhappy with the current political status in your village?

Shikamaru: I'm only unhappy that the Hokage is a crazy mean strong b that is super troublesome. And she seems to hate me too.

Raimy- What do you think of being paired with Gaara? And don't say troublesome, it's becoming more popular, not SasukeNaruto popular or LeeGaara and GaaraNaruto, but..

Shikamaru: What a drag. I think it is the stupidest paring I can think of, even for yaoi. How it becomes popular is messed up too. I hope they stick to other pairings besides me and anyone other than Temari:

Temari: Gaara? Oo

ngirl1193- shikamaru i'm just like you except i'm a girl when i try to take a nap my family always wants me to go out and play how can i get away from my annoying famliy p.s do you want to go out with to watch clouds or something

Shikamaru: Sleep outside when they make you, it's easier because you don't get disturbed. And no, I won't go out with you, I have Temari to do that.

Again I apologize! I hope I never have this long between chapters. No special for the next chapter. Tell me if you liked it and I may make other specials! I hope the Temari questions were good with this and not just like normal but cooler and a special worth doing! Please R&R and tell me what you think about specials!


End file.
